Endings

You’ve had a thousand chances to tell the people closest to you that you love them, in a way that they feel it, and in a way that you feel it. And you’ve missed most of them.

-Sam Harris

I wrote a final note to someone fighting cancer for years. They’re on their last leg.

A week before my mom passed away, I did the reverse. “Is there anything you want to tell me?” I asked. My mom loved to give advice. She had opinions on everything. She said “I’ve told you enough. If you don’t get it by now… *joyful laughter*”

I was twenty years old. At the time, I didn’t fully process this. How she must have felt. What she must have been thinking. To be a parent who is dying with their child asking for advice. Her same child who never asked for advice. The urge to want to say everything but knowing that saying nothing is best.

I was a huge fan of Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture. I watched all his talks available online. At the end of one, he says that the whole talk is a pump fake. The lecture isn’t for the audience. The lecture is for his children.

Humans aren’t blank slates who are 100% programmed based upon their surroundings. It’s a mix of nature and nurture, with nature tending to have a greater impact. If you raise a mouse like a human, the mouse isn’t going to act human. Much is innate to each of us no matter how hard we struggle against it. As a species, we tend to care for and to sacrifice for our children. This is still true on our deathbed.

The thought of death gives me resolve. It’s odd because the thought of the immensity of the universe makes me feel small and insignificant. They both make a mockery out of life. If you’re small and insignificant to the universe, why does your life matter? If your life is finite, why does it matter?

Life matters because it is finite. If life was infinite, then we would have infinite time to dick around all day. I find comfort in conflicting truths– nothing matters and everything matters. 

We all want to change the world. Change our blue dot as it spirals through space. The fact that we’re insignificant in the universe could mean we’re playing our own video game.

It feels like the country I live in is cracking. It’s doing so with the cheers of some of our country’s biggest beneficiaries. This isn’t unique in history. This is the pattern of how it happens.

If you think your country is going to collapse in a couple decades, then do what you can to prepare. If not much, then appreciate the years you have left. If it’s inevitable, the easiest way to change the world is to change how you think about it. Ultimately, our mind determines the quality of our life. 

Endings make each moment special. Special doesn’t always mean good… but it’s still special. Let’s do what we can to appreciate it.