Flipping Switches

As I review the events of my past life, I realize how subtle are the influences that shape our destinies

-Nikola Tesla

Take out the difficult conversation, the potential fallout, performance plans, and legal issues. If you could flip a switch, and have someone no longer be an employee, would you do it? If you’re a manager, and the answer is a strong yes, start the process. It’s a simple, hard thing to fire someone who is underperforming. Flip the switch. 

This framework applies to relationships as well. 

Say you’re dating someone– take out the breakup conversation and any potential fallout. If you could flip a switch to breakup, would you do it? If the only reason you’re dating is because you’re afraid to break up, you’re wasting everyone’s time. 

But when you flip the switch, you should feel bad. If you’re attuned to others’ feelings and emotions, it should feel awful. Recently, when I flip switches, I feel bad, but not as bad as I expected.

I can rationalize saying I did everything I could given the circumstances. But knowing my baseline, I should still feel awful. It was a horrible situation. There were outside pressures, but it was ultimately my decision. I’m the sole reason they’re having to uproot their life. However, my baseline has shifted. I’m becoming desensitized.

In one sense, this is positive. Even the thought of my difficult conversations make others squirm. I now better make them in a stoic, rational manner. My team can rely on me. But I’m losing my humanity… 

Or maybe not.

Becoming desensitized to repeat stimuli is the most human thing of all. This is why most things in life are relative. 

We walk around with supercomputers in our pockets that have access to all the world’s knowledge. When smart phones first came out, people were awestruck. Now, they’re more thought of as annoying.

Look at the spice rack at any grocery store. Go back hundreds of years, and it would be mindblowing to see the number of cheap, available spices. We don’t care.

Living in America desensitizes us to those living in other countries. There are oppressive regimes, famine, corruption, and trafficking throughout the world. We’re in our bubble. We think our issues are most pressing, most important. And yet, everyone is in their own bubble.

Our experiences change how we perceive the world. We can’t control how actions immediately make us feel, but we can recognize those feelings to better understand ourselves. We can gage the expected value consequences of our actions. There’s much we can consciously control. So control it. Would you flip the switch?