-Albert Camus
We bond through shared struggles, cooperative goals, casual observations, and debates over things that seemingly don’t matter—sports, stories, scriptures. It’s all a proxy. A way to say what we believe without saying it outright. But what happens when we stop hiding behind the stories?
Basic Bonding
Let’s start with how we bond as children.
Physical– boys will wrestle and beat each other up, then be close friends after. Not as much for girls.
Competition / Combating– when going to war with someone, you learn about them. You respect what they’re capable of. Trying to outcompete others is really striving together to become a better version of yourself.
Cooperation – working together with others to build something greater than oneself.
As adults, we bond through our actions, experiences, interests, games, but mostly by talking about things other than ourselves.
How’s the Weather?
Small talk is talking about things of little consequence. Speak of the weather.
Sports are more complicated, with even less importance. Hardcore sports fans have always felt childish to me. However, many of the same people who make fun of sports obsess over sci-fi and fantasy. I prefer the latter, but it’s still a crutch for bonding with people.
The biggest crutch is discussing religious texts. There are many aspects of religion, like the community and the greater purpose. But discussing scripture and debating the meaning of different passages is no different from discussing the morality of the light and dark side in Star Wars.
You can go incredibly deep into these topics. However, they’re the same. It’s talking about something outside yourself to reveal your true feelings and beliefs. It’s a crutch of using something else instead of saying what you truly want to say.
Sci-Fi and Fantasy
Sometimes there are helpful frameworks in other texts, e.g., Harry Seldon’s psychohistory in the Foundation Series. However, the purpose of it is simple. It’s talking about purpose and legacy and how the actions we take now can have drastic consequences in the future.
Debates over the political intricacies in The Lord of the Rings, the ethical dilemmas in Dune serve as starting points for deep discussions. Fictional power struggles mirror real-world hierarchies and moral dilemmas. These narratives become allegories for personal growth, freedom, or societal structures, allowing bonds to form over shared interpretations and speculative insights. They act as metaphors for real-world challenges.
Scripture
Discussions around the interpretation of parables in the New Testament show how sacred texts serve as canvases for personal and communal beliefs. Scholars and laypersons debate the historical context, intended moral lessons, and applicability to modern ethics. Similarly, Buddhist sutras spark conversations on suffering, enlightenment, and the nature of reality.
Within Judaism, debates such as the interplay between divine providence and human free will are pervasive. Rabbinic discussions pivot on texts like the Talmud and Midrash, where differing interpretations of commandments—such as the principle of pikuach nefesh (the obligation to save a life even if it means breaking other commandments)—highlight nuanced ethical dilemmas. These debates serve as intellectual exercises and function as bonding rituals, as community members dispute interpretations.
Reality
In the real world, it seems silly to have debates in this format.
Debating religious scripture is the same as debating science fiction. It’s even more ridiculous when we start arguing over which translation of the text is more accurate. Let’s say what we believe to be right or wrong. Say why. Then defend it based on its merits. Sure, give analogies and relate them to stories, as that’s how our minds work and how things stick.
But something shouldn’t be right or wrong because of what a book says. Right and wrong should be based upon first principles and the society it creates via the consequences of those beliefs.
Conclusion
The act of bonding is rooted in shared experiences, whether through physical trials, intellectual challenges, or emotional discourse. Stories from sci-fi narratives and religious scriptures provide frameworks for expressing personal beliefs indirectly. Genuine connection requires candor about our convictions and purpose.