Signaling and Feelings

You can bet that he's doin' it for some doll

-Guys and Dolls by Frank Sinatra & Dean Martin

I agree with signaling theory. Most of what we do is for signaling purposes. We signal status to others. It’s sometimes conscious and other times unconscious. 

The Robin Hanson quote below gives examples of the implications of signaling theory:

Food isn't about Nutrition

Clothes aren't about Comfort

Bedrooms aren't about Sleep

Marriage isn't about Romance

Talk isn't about Info

Laughter isn't about Jokes

Charity isn't about Helping

Church isn't about God

Art isn't about Insight

Medicine isn't about Health

Consulting isn't about Advice

School isn't about Learning

Research isn't about Progress

Politics isn't about Policy

This is a helpful framework. Signaling explains seeing the matrix, and understanding the matrix we’re in. It’s freeing to realize the high level reasons why people care about things. If you want to learn more about signaling theory and its implications, read The Elephant in the Brain. But signaling theory alone isn’t super actionable.

The only way to modify the matrix is to understand what gets someone to initially want to signal. What gets us humans to want to do something. We’re not signaling robots. Signaling is a consequence of baser instincts that build up to create the framework we call signaling. Signaling theory talks about evolutionary psychology, but primitives need to be built upon in a structured way. Feelings are our signaling primitives.

Fine art and politics are the same.

It’s irrational to vote. The chance of you dying on your way to the polls is higher than the chance of your vote counting. Fine art isn’t about art. People rather look at the burnt ashes of the original Mona Lisa than a perfect replica of the original made by an unknown artist. Fine art and politics are about the feeling. 

To sell a politician or to sell an artist, one must sell the feeling. The feeling of owning an original. The feeling of supporting someone or something that matters. The feeling of making a difference. Whether it actually makes a difference is of little consequence, but the feeling it elicits… that’s real.

If you can alter feelings, you change what becomes a positive or negative signal. Realizing this, what becomes important is how and why we feel things. Learn how to change people’s feelings. I’ve seen signaling theory lead many to be cynical observers (e.g. “it’s all just signaling”). When concentrating on feelings, it should lead one to be a player in the game.

One of signaling theory’s favorite examples is trendy restaurants. Trendy restaurants don’t have the best food for the price. “If you’re optimizing for the best food, don’t go where the attractive people eat!” This isn’t news to those in hospitality. In restaurateur Danny Meyer’s book, Setting the Table, he says food is secondary to positive human experiences. In the food business, how you make people feel matters more than the food itself. This is true for any business!

Herbalife is a well known pyramid scheme. But it makes those participating in it feel good. Somehow, this is sustainable. Religions are similar.

Feelings are so ingrained that we rarely challenge our immediate emotional response. Feelings are reactive. There’s deep wisdom in feelings, but they can lead us astray. Feelings can be manipulated… for good and for bad. People are out there manipulating feelings. So we must learn how to manipulate them for good.

How others make us feel and how we make each other feel isn’t just important. It’s how we spread the best ideas. It’s how we change the world.