Wanting

Man is the creature who does not know what to desire, and he turns to others in order to make up his mind.

-Rene Girard

I’ve known how to play chess since I’ve had memories. By the time I was four, I’d beaten all my aunts and uncles. I was second in the nation for my grade. After the national chess tournament, it was local news how I performed. The teacher had me bring my trophy to kindergarten class. The trophy was taller than me. Everyone in my class tried to join the chess team. Whether they wanted to win a big trophy or positive recognition, they associated chess with something they suddenly wanted. Something they never had any knowledge nor desire about had become their most desired thing. 

I was the same as the children in my class who saw my trophy and wanted to play chess. 

Why We Want

The only reason I knew how to play chess was from watching my older brothers play. I was copying them. I saw how interested they were in the game and how much they cared about winning. It made me care.

I played competitively until 6th grade. I realized that I enjoyed chess, but I didn’t want it to be my life. I didn’t love it nor want it to define me. I had other interests. It only took a tiny glimpse inward to have this epiphany. Or I was following in the footsteps of siblings again. They also stopped playing competitively and moved onto other endeavors.

I saw people on the cross country team I thought were cool and looked up to. I saw people on the tennis team I thought were cool and looked up to. I pursued those paths.

Watching little children behave, this is common. There will be a toy laying on the ground that no one is playing with. But when one child picks up the toy and starts having fun, another child will want possession of the toy. It looks enjoyable so they want it. They have a burning desire to play with the toy.

We’re the same as adults. It’s common for investments. A VC declines investment in a company, but then a tier 1 fund signs a term sheet to lead the round. The VC, who ghosted the founder last week, begs to invest. Someone is seeing a person they’re not that into, but when that person is wanted by others and leaves, they’re suddenly into them. The person becomes the coveted toy. The toy they didn’t want is now the most important thing. Attraction, materialism, and desire for experiences function similarly.

My formulaic attempt at calculating life satisfaction resulted in: 

​​[Total life satisfaction] = ([Pleasure] + [Perceived meaning]) * [Perceived time lived]

We’re chasing pleasure and perceived meaning all the time. Meaning comes from our wants. 

My thoughts and ideas come from introspection, but introspection is derived from my experiences. We want experiences to bring us meaning. So define your own meaning. Be aware of what brings you meaning and where it came from. Analyze it. We can hack our brains to derive meaning from anything.

What We Should Want

Wanting experiences is better than wanting materials, but living life for the sake of collecting experiences is little better than living life to collect materials. Experiences alone won’t fill the gaps in your life.

Arthur Brooks says satisfaction comes from what you have divided by what you want. To find enduring satisfaction, we need a wants management strategy. Brooks says the worst idea in western society is the bucket list. The bucket list is the list of cravings, attachments, and desires you pine over. Bucket lists increase our wants, thus lowering our satisfaction. Instead, we should want to serve others. 

People chase the idols of money, power, pleasure, and fame/prestige. These idols never bring satisfaction. Brooks says the only wants that are proven to bring enduring happiness are faith, family, friendship, and work where you earn your success and serve other people. Want for those and the world is your oyster.