Conflicting Truths

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.

-Winston Churchill

We live on the third planet from a star that’s one of a few hundred billion stars in our galaxy that’s one of hundreds if not trillions of other galaxies. Nothing matters. At the same time, this is the only life we know we have. This is the only life we know to exist. We only get one body and one life to do what we want while alive. Everything matters. Nothing matters and everything matters. These are both true.

My friend is a personal chef for a client in hospice. The person in hospice used to be a traveling photographer. My friend cooks meals for her every day and switches to a different country's cuisine each week. It’s her client’s way of traveling the world one last time. This is beautiful. It’s touching. It’s also irrational. It’s a lot of work for someone who is going to die soon. But it makes sense.

Say someone you know is in hospice. You’re chatting with them. You’re aware they’re not long for this world. Soon, you won’t be able to chat with them ever again. They won’t be able to chat with you ever again. If you’re mean to them, they won’t exist soon. None would be the wiser. And yet, we treat those in hospice with extreme kindness. The negative frame is because reciprocity and cultural norms dictate this. The positive frame is because every moment is special. The realist frame is there’s truth on both sides.

You’re working at a company that’s about to hire a bunch of people and scale. The company will never be the same as it is today. Enjoy the last moments of being a small company. And prepare for the coming changes. Do both.

You’re single and you plan to settle down soon. Instead of being stressed about not being with a life partner, enjoy the dance. Enjoy the last moments of being single. And be aware that your current freedoms may diminish and life will soon change. Both are true.

Celebrations are fun. Celebrations end. All good times come to an end. It helps to be aware of this to act rationally. It’s also wrong to be sad at the beginning of a celebration because you know it will end. It’s wrong to live your life only being in the moment, and it’s wrong to live your life only thinking about death. We need to hold both beliefs in our mind at the same time. This is fun, and this is going to end.

It’s hard because it’s not how our brain works. Our mind is a prediction machine that can only see one thing at a time and think one thought at a time. We must switch back and forth between true, yet conflicting beliefs.

If your home catches fire, you don’t start sobbing. You get the hell out of your house as fast as you can. Imagine someone crying while running around their burning home prioritizing collection of precious items, reminiscing on memories they had in their home, and at the same time escaping. It’s not how humans work. We have a “fight OR flight” response, not a “fight AND flight” response. You escape your home and lament the loss of your belongings later. 

Savor life and be aware it’s going to end one day. Perhaps sooner than we think. Be afraid it’s going to end. Exhaust every moment. Switch between being afraid life is going to end and exhausting every moment. They enable each other. Act on fear by accomplishing the things you want to do. Utilize feelings to get the outcome you want.