Continuing to Chase Experiences
Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you.
-Aldous Huxley
At a certain point, you’ve experienced enough. The man has sowed his oats. The woman has eaten, prayed, and loved. And now, they’re ready to settle down. No more late nights… but there’s this party tonight– a special event tomorrow. So and so will be there. “I’m totally over it,” we say, and yet, we keep going.
There are more experiences to be had. More places to go. “Just a little while longer.” “This is my journey to find myself.”
It’s become trendy to value experiences over materials. I agree. I get more lasting pleasure and meaning from experiences. American culture tells us that experiences lead to fulfillment. But experiences by themselves can be hollow. In bubbles, they can be misleading.
The All In podcast had Tucker Carlson on last week. They gabbed about how amazing life is in Japan. So much so that Tucker said maybe our economic indicators are wrong as Japan is so great. Every one of them traveled to Japan and went to the highest-end resorts. They know nothing about everyday Japanese life or Japanese culture beyond being served by them. They all know less about Japan from their bubble experiences than if they never went to Japan. But they confidently pontificate about Japan because they’ve “been there.”
Gotta Catch’em All
Living to collect experiences can be worse than collecting materials.
Experience collecting has no end. There are more extreme experiences– more high-status people to meet. If you max out in one sector, move to the next. There’s always more to do.
When I was younger, I wanted to travel to every country. I read travel blogs– I thought the more people you met, the more interesting you became. If I hung out with someone interesting, part of their value would be transferred to me. I wanted to collect experiences. Experiences were the value. I was wrong.
Understanding
How well one understands the world and the number of unique experiences one has don’t correlate.
You don’t have to meet a million people to understand human nature. Buddha sat under a tree for seven weeks and got the answers to most of life. Ancient philosophers couldn't travel the world and live in every culture. And yet, ancient philosophers are still relevant today as human nature hasn’t changed.
Understanding the universe isn’t something you get by acquiring; it’s something you get by discarding.
It's not about collecting experiences like stamps in a passport. It's about finding meaning and purpose in the experiences you have. What fills the cup? You don't need to travel the world to have meaningful experiences; you can find them inside.
Interpretation
Without taking time to process experiences, they don’t mean anything. What did you learn about yourself, about human nature? What have you gained from the experience? Did you enjoy it? Why did you enjoy it? How enjoyable will it be if you do it again?
If Prince Harry interprets his life as a tragedy, so can you. Any of us could write the story of our lives as the luckiest person ever. Or we could write our story as a horrible tragedy. How we interpret our experiences matters more than the experiences themselves.
From this reflection, we learn about ourselves. For me, there’s value in moderation– value in making specific experiences a rare treat. Going to the beach is fun but not great for every day of my life. I love scuba diving, but doing it a few times a year is enough.
I optimize for truth– to understand how people work, how the world works, and how incentives work. I can then apply frameworks to social and business settings.
Maybe it’s best to screen for quality of experiences, but quality is subjective. The highest quality experience could be to stay home. If you’re like me, you have an itch to do new things. To collect and consume.
Consumption
You can read great books with depth. But if you don’t apply them to your life, it doesn’t matter.
You can read hundreds of self-help books. Most are a form of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. If you’re selective, you only need to read a few max. But there’s an entire self-help industry. People go to talks to hear about how to be better. Some gurus host seminars. It’s all the same. There are no magic bullets– it’s just iterating on yourself.
Attending a seminar and going to talks is easier than doing the work. “I’m learning from the talks.” You’d learn more by reading. “I’m doing a workshop”. You’d learn more by applying it in real life. “I’m networking.” If you’ve been to a few of these, you’re networked enough with that crowd.
I went to a few when I was younger. I remember going to Summit at Sea in 2016. I was a VC then. People were talking about how a speaker, Gary V, said that any founder who was there should be ashamed as founders attending Summit at Sea aren’t adding value to their company. They’re partying on a boat and pretending to listen to pundits as an excuse to do drugs and hook up. Not wrong.
Some conferences are okay, but there’s rightfully a stigma of people who attend too many. They’re attempting to fill a void.
Adventures are great. Understanding is greater. You only understand by taking time to reflect deeply on your experiences. Write them out. Take to heart the lessons and apply them to your life. It needs to come from within. That’s the way we humans work. It’s simple:
We agree to change our worldview.
We make conscious efforts to change our autopilot.
It’s also uncomfortable, but it’s the only way to change. Going to a talk will never accomplish this. It can be euphoric or feel life-changing in the moment. But change only happens by reflecting and taking action.
Experiences are consumption. Creation is more fulfilling.
Creation
I started a company because I think what we’re building can have a massively positive impact on the world. But from an internal personal standpoint, I started a company to experience a broader range of emotions— the experiences of the lowest lows to the highest highs.
When talking to other founders who have been through it and came out the other side, there’s camaraderie– the look in their eyes when reflecting on what it took to get to where they are. It’s recognizable and instantly relatable. The best tech founders tend to be highly competent with a knack for sensing competence in others. It’s a humbling experience to realize the amount of effort and failure necessary to build a company.
After making it through, it’s almost impossible not to reflect on your actions.
Chasing
I 100x prefer people to chase something rather than nothing. But know what and why you’re chasing.
Cultivate a sense of contentment and gratitude for what you already have. Don’t stop pursuing goals or seeking new experiences; approach experiences with balance and perspective. Produce experiences that fill the cup.
Experiences are fun when they’re authentic and something you want. I love being silly and ridiculous. You’d be hard-pressed to offend me. I think life’s a game, but it also has meaning.
Experience life, but don’t chase experiences. Chase your contribution; chase truth.